Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I have tasted many bathrooms
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