OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
