I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
