It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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