no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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