u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
