We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I wish you could order shots online.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
