Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I am spending my child support on dildos
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
