I want to walk on stilts...naked
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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