cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
