He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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