they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
