If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
