big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So apparently I’m into choking now
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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