He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it was like eating out sand paper
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
