having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize