I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
