The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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