Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm just crazy horny about you
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
