fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
