areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
