this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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