My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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