You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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