Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize