OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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