shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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