Please, let me fuck your mom
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
