i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
only you would photoshop your dick
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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