sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
