I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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