Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
