you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
