Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I love having hate sex.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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