i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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