I think I won the penis lottery.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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