When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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