My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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