He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize