ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
