I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
