I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
