how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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