The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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