I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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