i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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