i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
