i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ugly people sure do ruin things
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
