my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
