the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
