just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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