You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize