As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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