never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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