The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
