On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
