How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
