My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
wow bdsm is so cute
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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