hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
