2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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