WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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