I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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