Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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