he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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