I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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