Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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