One girl and one boy is just not enough.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
