Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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