omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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