Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
