I'm so fucking centered right now
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
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