dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
