ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Randomize
