i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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