if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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