When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
