I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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