I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
