her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
