so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
